i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
