You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
