i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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