one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm at about main and main street
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
