I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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