Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
