Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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