she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
