Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
