I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
