Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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