i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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