fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
