I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you never un-have a 4some
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
