I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
