so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
