yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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