I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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