I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
