the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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