Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
