Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
