i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
