the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
