She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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