I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
