He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
