They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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