Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
