Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
