i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
