Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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