I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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