i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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