I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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