the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
