I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize