OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
