last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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