He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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