Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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