luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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