You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
