So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize