Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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