he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
