...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
