I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
