We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
