I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
