You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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