Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
