I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
