They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize