apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
