she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
