I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
