Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
