Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
