I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
