4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
