I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
