Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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