And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
