Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize