I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
