I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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