I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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